F-You Covid

You know what got me through my first post-partum mile on the dreadmill? A conversation in my head that went like this: “Fuck you Covid. You are a sick, nasty, dirty little fucker that is literally ruining the world, my life, my business, my mood. You suck, I think you are disgusting. If you had a face I’d punch it so hard and I’m a strong mother fucker. If you had an ass, I’d kick it. Oh wait, fucker I am kicking your ass. I kick ass! I rock. I’m an unstoppable beast! Booya. Go Megan. Run girl, run. Sweat Now, Drink Later. Earn that IPA. Mama is thirsty.”

My heart was pumping, I was sweating and pretty soon I realized I was smiling! I felt that mile in my soul. Shit was lit and I felt good about my conversation with Covid. I told him off! I headed to my first 50 burpees of the April Covid-19 Virtual Fitness Challenge feeling happy. I mean trust me, I had a different vision for April – it included burpees with my homies at the gym in person. But we all know what you do when life gives you lemons.

I’ve been to Total Wine and I’m stocked! Not only with vodka for that lemonade, but with IPAs, wine, bloody supplies and more. There is a reason liquor stores are essential! Can you pause a moment and give me an Amen! Seriously imagine being sober during this shit (sorry if you are always sober, but Amen to you!). I’m counting my blessings these days pretty seriously and THANK GOD this didn’t happen while I was pregnant. (If you are pregnant, good for you. There is nothing to do but NAP, unless you already have kids then shit, I’m just sorry. I don’t know what else to say). But it’s a blessing I can sip some beers while trying to chill with these kiddos. I always tell Marcus that one beer makes me a better human, I’m more relaxed.

Let’s talk about a few more blessings that have popped up while beating up on Covid. When I hopped off that treadmill with a shit-eat-grin on my face, I took an exhaustive breath and reminded myself, Covid is teaching me to adapt. To go with the fucking flow. It’s here to help me realize I’m not in control. I need to relax and be more flexible. Shit, this fucker is here for a reason and there’s always a lesson to learn. Or this helps me sleep better at night, thinking I’m learning something from this pandemic. Well, after several tears, a lot of bitch sessions and some positive self-talks, I’ve decided this time sucks but seriously I need to make the most of it….ya ya lemonade bullshit.

Here’s what I’ve been doing:

1. I’ve created the coolest fucking virtual accountability group ever! Done! Here’s some pics to prove I am still kicking ass from my couch! #momboss

2. Making Tevi do a night feeding with a bottle so I can sleep! Check! Tevi rocks at Dad Life! Thanks to him, I’m not closing SIU for good. Trust me, I thought about it. He talked me off the ledge! I love this dude! P.S. Tevi’s been shaping it up hard! #proudtrainermoment

3. Teaching Ruby new things. Example: Dance parties, Booya! She asks for a “dance party now” all the time. Sorry not sorry; we play unedited music at our house and boogie! No,I don’t want her to swear like a sailor (did I mention my nickname is Sailor?), but I’m hoping the naughty words won’t phase her. #wishfulthinking

4. I’m working on my revenge body, Hell yes! This body is a machine. Here’s my first 4-week transition. I’ll give you more details about what I’ve been doing besides breastfeeding 24/7 and being a little stressed out soon.